29 December 2010

Dear Diary,

Do they use sleep deprivation tactics to torture criminals for information? If no, I can't imagine why not. I cannot fathom a more convincing drive than sleep at this moment. The loss of sleep will lead you to sitting on the bathroom floor at any hour of the night, rocking your baby under the heater; watching re-runs of Three's Company and trying to explain to your baby where the Ropers went and who Mr. Furley is; doing squats while humming Rump Shaker, because the baby sure seems to like it; praying to God for guidance in English and Spanish; drinking two cokes just to keep up with the baby's energy level; wearing ponytails on the tip top of your head, just so the baby can't keep yanking your hair and using is as a bungee cord; singing remixes of lullabies, Johnny Cash, and Christmas carols, all off key, of course; and turning the front porch light on, so you and the baby can stand at the living room window and watch the cats come running. All this to say...Santa didn't bring me that Big Box of Sleep I asked for. Boo hoo.


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