05 April 2011

Cue the Screaming

Do you see this cup?

I assume you do, unless you have your eyes closed.

It says "Stacey + 1" on there...that's when I was still pregnant with Katie Jane. Sweet, yes? At the in-laws, we always use these red Solo cups with our names on them for holidays and such. It works very well.

You wanna know in what other capacity they work well?


(And I just got a creepy chill up my spine...there will be no pictures accompanying this part of the post if I have any intention of finishing it.)

I do not like spiders. I would rather see snakes, lizards, alligators, lions, tigers, and bears - all together, riding in a truck, bed full of pecan and peanut-encrusted brownies for them to force-feed me - than spiders. Spiders cause me to freeze. Spiders send terror through me. And if I'm alone, I'm in trouble. I cannot get too close to them, or touch them through a tissue to kill them, or smash them all over the place, because then I'd just have to touch them through a tissue to clean them up. I do not, as a result of this, however, close my eyes and wish them away or run into the next room or just LEAVE. Um, negatory. If I did that, then I wouldn't know where they hid. They could scuttle off behind or under something that I may likely touch in the future. No thanks.

I need to know where they are. I need to know that they will not be moving before my husband or mom or ANYONE comes home to kill them dead.

So I just put a cup over them.

Or a bowl. Or a plate. Or a toothbrush holder. Or anything that could serve as an entrapment device. But red Solo cups work REALLY well for this. For starters, they're red, so you notice them immediately. And anyone that's ever lived with me for more than an hour knows that, if they happen across something turned upside down where it normally isn't, there's likely a spider underneath...or something that very strongly resembles a spider. This has been going on for decades.

Which is why it's no surprise that I almost drove my truck into a ditch the other day. I came around a curve on our quaint little farm-to-market road, and behold:

Well, it wasn't this cup, but there was a red Solo cup - UPSIDE DOWN - sitting in the middle of the road. And my brain goes: SPIDER!!!!

I gave the cup a wide berth.

Because you just never know.

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