29 July 2011

The Hedge Clippers of Life

I don't really know that I'd be smiling this big as I scaled down a 7-story building. Of course, very little physical activity brings a smile to my lips, much less a grin this big. Perhaps he's just so happy to be heading back to solid ground...that's probably something to smile about.

Incidentally, this is one of my favorite pictures of B. It made me worry a little less about him every day when I saw HOW MUCH FUN HE'S HAVING! I'm sure he'll get a kick out of reading that and wonder what fun I'm talking about. But it was definitely easier to swallow him crawling into things on fire and full of smoke and suffocating in gear and working himself 20 pounds lighter when I could picture this happy face in my brain.

During the course of B's academy stay, I learned a lot of new stuff right along with him. Nothing near on his level, but little bits and pieces along the way.

When quizzing him for all of the exams, I learned that the pictures of wounds in those text books are not something I can handle. They make me dizzy. Maybe a lot car sick. For sure they make me a prime lab rat for him to test all of his new skills on, as I sway, turn blue, and slowly crash to the floor.

I think one of the most interesting things I learned, however, was about the jaws of life. Should that be capitalized? I'm thinking maybe so. The Jaws of Life. It's serious business. It should be said with an echo and a booming speaker. THE JAWS OF LIFE.

Well, anyway...when I heard the term Jaws of Life in the past, I pictured something huge. I'm talking made of hard steel and welded together with bands of concrete and maybe even monster-teeth fashioned from scrap metal and gravel. When it's needed, it comes creeping in with destruction on its mind and frees the caged with vigor...metal crunching and groaning and squealing from the pressure.

Once the trapped is let loose, it creaks and squawks as it slowly moves backwards from whence it came; it's too big to turn on a dime or flounce off in a happy "job well done" way.

But guess what?

I was a little off.

Check it:

Not quite the same, eh?

I guess you can imagine the confusion I experienced when I got to see the picture of B using the Jaws of Life. I was all, "Is that it, in the top right of the picture? You're getting ready to drive it or man it or whatever?"

Him: No.

"Is that it at the top left? Like, the spoiler on it or something?"

Him: No.

"Why can't I SEEEE it?!"

Him: Because it's in front of me...what are you talking about??

"Nothing. Just never mind. I'm still delirious from those pictures of The Spiders That Can Kill You Dead in your textbook. Thanks for that, by the way."

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